Although I’ve been home a couple times since moving out to Los Angeles, it hasn’t really hit me until this time how much has actually changed, despite everything staying the same. Here’s what I mean…
I don’t know if it was just my state of mind or generally positive mood the week prior to coming home, but this time around it wasn’t that I didn’t want to come home or was not ready to come home, I just didn’t NEED to come home. I could have stayed in LA for the holiday, and I would have had people to spend it with, and it would have been different, but fine. But two months ago when I planned this trip I was unsure of how I would be feeling at this point in time, and figured a trip home would do me good either way. In previous trips home I had just come off a tough few weeks – professional or personal setbacks had me itching for a vacation. This time around I was good, no need of a vacation, no itching desire to get the hell out of LA. Just going home because it was Thanksgiving and it would be a nice week to see friends and family.
I get to my house and everything is pretty much the same, my mom has plenty of food waiting for me, my dad has taped some shows on the DVR, they’re both in bed before midnight, I stay downstairs and watch late night shows. Throughout the day, I notice subtle changes to the house that have occurred while I was gone and without my knowledge (things the parents deemed unimportant to bring up in our phone calls or email conversations). The bathroom is painted differently. So is the front door and entryway of the house. There is new furniture in the basement. Things that would have been bigger deals to me when I was still living here, now just signify how much more removed I am from this environment.
Even my friends, who I have yet to see this week, are the same but different. Many have moved out of Needham and into Boston (Cambridge/Brookline, etc.) That’s exciting to me, because if I didn’t choose to move across the country, that’s what I would’ve wanted to do (I was used to it after living 3 years in Boston for school.) They still have the same conversations, the same hang out spots and activities, but most are now working real jobs and are busy most of the day. As I was thinking of my Needham friends in Boston, I realized that my Boston friends were no longer in Boston, or at least most of them are not. More of my home friends now live there than my school friends do.
I keep coming across blogs and comments about people our age and how they deal with the huge life changes that hit them (quarter-life crisis). For the most part its common – a sense of bewilderment and uncertainty about the real world and our futures. I’m now realizing that as excited I am to be back in Boston, where I’ll always be from and always have an emotional connection to, I am glad that I moved to LA and am pursuing my dreams of being an entertainer. I hate using clichés to close out blog posts, but it really does feel like a new chapter in my life, and for the first time I’m really excited and eager to see what the cliffhanger ending is that keeps me reading into the next chapter.